Unlocking the Power of Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) in neurodiversity affirming psychotherapy

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is still young in the landscape of therapy - developed by Richard Schwartz less than forty years ago - yet what it points to is ancient. The idea that we hold many inner voices or aspects of self echoes through spiritual and healing traditions across the world. What makes IFS unique is how beautifully it brings that wisdom into a grounded, compassionate framework for therapy.

In this post, I want to share why IFS stands out to me as a model of healing, and why it so often feels like home for neurodivergent minds. No therapy is a miracle cure, and no therapist can be everything for everyone. If IFS doesn’t feel like a good fit for you, that isn’t a failure, it simply means there’s another doorway that might work better. (I talk more about this in conversation with Pasha Marlowe on the Neuroqueer Podcast.) Neuroqueer Podcast.

Understanding neurodivergence

The word neurodivergent isn’t a synonym for autistic or ADHD, though those are two of the most commonly recognised forms. The neurodiversity umbrella includes a huge range of ways that human brains and bodies move through the world.

Most of the people I work with are multiply neurodivergent: combinations of autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, Ehlers-Danlos, POTS, and other chronic conditions. The medical system likes to draw firm lines between these labels, but real human experience is much more fluid. There’s enormous overlap and the borders blur.

Dr Ned Hallowell once described the differences between neurotypes as colours blending on a palette: each person a unique shade of neurodiversity.

As Nick Walker writes, “Neurodiversity is the diversity of human minds - the infinite variation in neurocognitive functioning within our species.” To be neurodivergent means to have a mind that moves differently from what society calls “normal.” That difference isn’t wrong or broken; it’s part of the living diversity of being human.

Understanding Internal Family Systems Therapy

IFS sees the mind as an internal family - a constellation of Parts, each with its own emotions, beliefs, and roles. These Parts often step in to protect us, sometimes clumsily, sometimes heroically, and sometimes in ways that end up causing pain.

What are Parts?

IFS holds that there are no bad Parts. Every Part is trying, in its own way, to help. Even when behaviour looks self-defeating - the inner critic, the avoider, the pleaser - beneath it is an intention to keep us safe.

Take the inner critic: that harsh internal voice that insists we’re not enough. In IFS, we’d see it as a protector, maybe one that learned long ago to criticise before anyone else could. When we meet that Part with curiosity instead of shame, we begin to understand it. Over time, critics can soften, even transform into inner cheerleaders.

What is Self-energy?

Beyond all these Parts lies Self-energy: the calm, compassionate essence of who we are. Many people describe Self-energy as spaciousness, warmth, or quiet clarity. In therapy, when our protective Parts learn to trust this Self, they allow us to reach the more vulnerable, exiled Parts that carry pain from the past. Healing in IFS is the process of helping the whole system return to balance and to a Self-led way of being.

Why IFS can work so well for neurodivergent systems

Meeting Parts

For neurodivergent people, IFS offers a tangible language for inner experience. Instead of analysing or explaining, we can meet our Parts, including those shaped by masking or the need to appear “neurotypical.” These Parts can be understood, not shamed, and invited into relationship. It gives choice and spaciousness rather than demand or correction.

Non-Pathologising

IFS is inherently non-pathologising. It assumes that every behaviour makes sense in context. Even Parts that act out - self-harming, avoiding, overworking - are seen as protectors doing their best. This stance mirrors neurodiversity-affirming practice: no deficit, no disorder, just difference and adaptation.

Empowering Inner Harmony

Through IFS, people learn to cultivate cooperation among their Parts rather than trying to suppress them. That inner harmony builds resilience and authenticity - qualities that can be hard to access in a world that often misunderstands neurodivergent experience.

What Does Neurodiversity-Affirming IFS Look Like in Practice?

Embracing Complexity

Neurodivergent experience is rarely simple. Our systems process more, feel more, and sense more. IFS makes space for that. It honours the intensity and intricacy of our minds without trying to flatten it into something “manageable.” In this work, you’re not broken. You don’t need to be fixed.

Harnessing Strengths

Neurodivergence often brings extraordinary gifts: creativity, pattern-spotting, deep empathy, unusual focus. IFS helps people access these strengths by fostering trust in their inner system. When Parts feel seen and supported, energy that was once tied up in protection becomes available for living and creating.

Flexibility in the Frame

Traditional therapy settings can be inaccessible or subtly shaming for neurodivergent people - the pressure to make eye contact, to sit still, to speak neatly about messy things. IFS doesn’t require that kind of conformity. Sessions might involve art, movement, silence, or sensory aids. The focus is on authentic connection, not performance.

Conclusion

Internal Family Systems Therapy offers a compassionate and deeply adaptable approach to healing. It invites understanding instead of judgement, relationship instead of repair.

In my own practice, I’ve watched neurodivergent clients build trust with their Parts, softening inner critics, tending to exhausted protectors, finding more space for joy and choice. The goal isn’t to get rid of Parts; we still live in a world that asks us to adapt daily. The work is about relationship - helping every Part feel understood and supported so the system can move with more ease.

If you’re a neurodivergent person - or a therapist wanting to work more affirmingly with neurodivergent clients - IFS can be a profoundly kind framework.

You can learn more, read other reflections, or get in touch.